Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
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