Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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