making cat noises will not fix the situation.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
