Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
it glows. i had to have it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
