He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
