no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
there is puke in my bra ... again
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
