apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
