Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
