It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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