he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
