her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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