It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
