The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
