he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
