My first STD was from a foam party
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
