I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
