I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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