It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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