i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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