she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
