Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
