1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
