well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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