I haven't been this sober since birth.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize