My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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