I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
