no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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