Sponge bath it is.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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