The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
