left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
