So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
