The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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