i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
