Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
