from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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