Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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