Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
