sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
