walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
