If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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