I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Randomize
