I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
