I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just wanna soil my oats bro
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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