i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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