Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
