If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
