If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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