It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
