It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
