I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
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