I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
