I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
