Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
